


Taint

by zeroambi



Category: Alexander (2004)
Genre: Drama, M/M, Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-03-20
Packaged: 2019-03-22 13:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13764915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeroambi/pseuds/zeroambi
Summary: A deeply depressing conversation between Alexander and Ptolemy after Hephaistion's funeral.





	Taint

**Author's Note:**

> There is historical stuff mixed up with some stuff from the movie in this one, just as I please.

_Babylon, February 323 BC_

Alexander couldn't find sleep. No matter how much he tossed and turned. It was like the ashes of the funeral pyre had settled in his mouth, so he got up to poured himself another cup of wine. He could not tell how many he had already had on this day.

He went back down to the court where the festivities were still running. He hid himself in a dark corner though, not to be disturbed in his mourning. His luck didn't last long.

"You shouldn't drink so much, Alexander.“ He soon heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Now tell me Ptolemy, when did you decide to become my mother?“ Alexander asked, as he turned around to face his friend.

"Olympias worries about you. Maybe having your mother with you, would help you with your grief,“ Ptolemy replied.

"Oh damn. She must be really desperate if she writes to _you_ now.“ Alexander shook his head but then added absentmindedly: "Hephaistion always wanted me to bring her here.“

"Then maybe you should listen to him, even if don't want to listen to me or her,“ Ptolemy suggested.

"Maybe I will. Although no matter how much of the world I conquer, I think I will still be a dissapointing son to her.“

"It's not always easy being a parent either but rewarding. You will understand, as you will have your own son soon enough.“

"Thanks for reminding me.“ Alexander rolled his eyes. The thought of Roxana's child made him uneasy. He had cursed that poor thing in his mothers womb. "Would you believe I planted that seed the night before Hephaistion died,“ he told his friend. "How funny is that? The gods are some cruel bastards.“

"I think fatherhood might become you,“ Ptolemy ignored his lament.

Alexander snorted. "I'll be worse than Philip.“

"Don't be ridiculous, Alexander.“ Ptolemy shook his head. "I know you're in great pain, I know what he meant to you, but he surely would want you to ...“

"Where is this going Ptolemy? If you want to beg forgiveness for any ill thought you might have had about Hephaistion, then you are a bit late my friend,“ Alexander cut in, making Ptolemy avoid his eyes. "Bagoas has you beaten by month,“ he added. Alexander still remembered how guilty Ptolemy had looked at his outburst, when he had tried to pry him from Hephaistion's corpse.

_"Lairs, lairs! You hated him. All of you. Get out. Get out now!“_

The only person who had looked even more guilty had been his Persian boy, who had later seeked him out to set things straight.

_"I didn't hate him, my king.“_

_"What?“_

_"Lord Hephaistion. I didn't.“_

Bagoas had sounded firm but still like he tried to convince himself as much as his king.

"You like that boy, don't you?“ Ptolemy sounded maybe a bit too hopeful there.

"Yes. Not quite as much as you though, I think. Which is peculiar, because I'm pretty sure I'm the one who fucks him,“ Alexander spoke frankly, making his friend cringe.

"Don't worry, Ptolemy. Soon we will head for Arabia and then new battles and riches will distract us from what we have lost," Alexander said unconvincingly. "Maybe Eumenes will finally even shut up about his new sword.“

"Now don't be unjust. He is just honoring your wishes and Hephaistion's memory,“ Ptolemy objected.

"If only he could have shown that respect while Hephaistion was still alive. If only they all could have,“ Alexander said bitterly.

"If I may speak freely ...“ Ptolemy started.

"Oh, I thought we were already there but hit me. There are no guards with spears in sight,“ Alexander said light-heartedly.

_"Like an old lover ... they forgive but they never forget.“_

"I think many of the misgivings the men had about Hephaistion were born out of envy of your close relationship to him. As well as their unbridled reverence of you as their king. I … the men first thought you two stopped after Issos, but ...“

"Well … we tried.“ Alexander sighed, thinking of that gods awful night before Gaugamela. “Didn't work. He was a part of me. I needed him.“ I still need him, he thought.

"This was a bit hard to understand. I think they thought him a taint on your otherwise impeccable reputation,“ Ptolemy explained.

"A taint?“ Alexander said sharply raising his voice. "A taint!“ Spear or not, I can still strangle him, he thought.

"You are the king! Two adult men of distinction. It wasn't proper.“ Ptolemy was also getting louder now.

"Parmenion fucking twelve year old slave boys was perfectly fine though!“ Alexander yelled back.

Ptolemy sighed.

"A taint,“ Alexander muttered again in disbelieve, "and what do they think now?“ He asked looking at his friend.

When Ptolemy didn't answer, Alexander did so himself: "They think I'm mad. They might be right for once.“

"No, Alexander,“ Ptolemy pleaded, "they love and idolize you and this time they will follow you to the end of the world, I swear it.“

The end of the world, Alexander thought, the notion no longer holding the excitment it used to have. It might be closer than his men feared.

***

**Author's Note:**

> Alexander IV (born in August 323 BC) was likely fathered weeks after Hephaistion's death, not the night before like in my story for dramatic license or month before like in the movie. Hell, it makes a perfect set up for a hurt/comfort Alexander/Roxana fic, but then who of us Hephaistion fangirls is going to write that?
> 
> This fic was born out of a conversation I read on tumblr (http://frompella.tumblr.com/post/123543806586/shephaestion-celzmccelz), about why poor Hephaistion doesn't get any respect, which suggested that it might be a case of him being the Yoko Ono to Alexander's Lennon, that somewhat resonated with me.


End file.
